Deviation Actions
Literature Text
I know that you are a succubus
you are the poison thats run
through my veins and into my heart
I know that if I fight for you more and more
I will only curse me more pain
it will soon just rain down pain on me
and I must endure this pain
beacuse deep down you are my must
precious treasure and that will never changes
I know this is painfull but I must face it
if I can endure this pain and can stand beside
you with a smile and support you
and only then I will know that iam strong enough
and the fear of being weak will slowly fade away
No matter how difficult it will ever be seen
I can grab hold of the happiness we share
Hey there,
here on behalf of 
with the critique you requested.
You've done well creating a very emotional poem! The first stanza is my favorite- love your use of succubus and poison. For me, the second stanza could use a little work and the reason I say that is: you used the word 'pain' three times, and I'm assuming you did that for emphasis, but… it left me wishing you had stretched your vocabulary just a bit- there are so many others words that could convey pain, you know? Just a suggestion of course! Also- that second line… Is it supposed to be I or it?
Now, I do enjoy the message of the third stanza- the feel of strength that comes in those last lines are wonderful. I'm wondering though… in the first line, is it supposed to read must or most?
You handled that let stanza well, and ended it on a more positive note. Overall, an emotional read. Well done!